How to prepare for your new baby

Ellen / January 12, 2015

Here are 10 tips to help you to prepare for your new baby. Before Aidan was born I read lots of books and articles on how to prepare for your new baby, although helpful, if I had these tips I may have been a lot more prepared.

preparing for new baby

Blindfold yourself and make a cup of tea/coffee. Night feeds at 3am get harder the longer they go on. There is a required skill of nighttime nappy changes and making bottles in utter darkness you will achieve. If you can make tea while blindfolded you will be a night feeding ninja!

Surround yourself with colourful, noisy plastic toys. Once the first birthday or Christmas rolls around your house will become like a medium-sized toy shop abundant with musical, flashy toys. After 4-5 days you will know all the songs by heart. Find and note the off switch immediately, this information will be of great benefit to you.

Spend an entire day using only one hand (your ‘bad’ hand). Some days no other place will suit your new babe other than your arms. Within days you will master the art of living one-handed, you will be flipping pancakes while baking a victoria sponge with just your ‘bad’ hand.

Restrict yourself to sleeping in a space the size of your foot (with an angry stray cat if possible). If you end up co-sleeping, or just taking your baby in occasionally, they will take up 90% of the bed. They also have the sharpest nails in the world which are magnetically attracted to your face.

Get the laundry from all your neighbours/family and wash it – daily. I can’t even tell you where it all comes from because it still baffles me each day but babies manage to soil their entire wardrobe weekly, at least.

Only eat half of everything you prepare. You know how everyone else’s food always looks nicer? Well to babies this is ten fold, and to avoid the breakdown you will share, even your favourite dessert.

Shower for 30-45 seconds. Anything above this will be a bonus. You will also constantly ‘hear’ your sleeping baby cry while you’re in there which is apparently known as shower schizophrenia.

Hourly, splash liquids of varying colours randomly on your clothing. Again, I’m still not totally sure where they all originate from but they will vary in size and colour.

Allow yourself no more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Unfortunately, sleeping through the night doesn’t mean uninterruptedly.

Have Disney Junior on the TV in the background all day. These characters will be your best friends for the next few years, get to know them now.

 

All that being said they are worth it all. I am now a one-armed, squeaky floorboard avoiding ninja who has swapped crazy nights out for cosy nights in, and I wouldn’t change it for all the hot tea in china.

 

80 thoughts on “How to prepare for your new baby

  1. This such a fabulous post but oh so true. I love the idea of doing all your neighbours laundry and splashing random liquids on yourself. Brilliant. And well done for getting on the Mumsnet home page. That is amazing. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

  2. YES to everything especially the shower! I take approximately a hundred times longer in the shower when my husband is home and looking after our daughter than when he’s at work. Also I now have one really strong arm from carrying the baby and one pathetically weak one in comparison 😉 x

  3. Haha this is brilliant, our 14 day old refuses to sleep at night without being held but happily goes down in his bed as soon as the sun rises. I then have my 45 second shower certain I can hear him crying and rush out to find him snoozing away!

  4. This is great. I love all your prepared ideas. I could have used this list. lol Great post hunny. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. Sorry if you had any trouble commenting on my site today as the host is being transferred there are a few glitches to fix. Apologies. #sharewithme

  5. haha, yep can relate to all of these. Post Christmas, it’s the noisy toys one that’s driving me crazy at the moment. I even caught my husband singing the song from her toy train to himself the other day ‘chugga chugga choo choo’ lol!

    1. “M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E” we love that one in this house! I swear neighbours actually do sneak their washing into my basket – it’s the only explanation! xx

  6. I laughed out loud at some of these. Not having kids myself, and being sad about that occasionally, at least there is some freedom of movement and sleep I can enjoy that I wouldn’t with a baby. #SundayStars

  7. Great read and gave me a laugh :). I heard somewhere that Marines only get 30 seconds to shower, that would have been perfect preparation for me as a stay at home dad.

  8. I spent the entire post nodding and laughing simultaneously. Properly made me chuckle but so true! This should be part of childcare in schools! Shower Schizophrenia? Doesn’t that just be parent schizophrenia? Although I don’t mind it…..theyre my friends that talk to me when im under whatever pressure that parenting is throwing at me!

  9. Haha! Brilliant and all so true! When does it get easier with no sleep? Thanks for sharing and thanks for linking up #bigfatlinky

  10. Oh this did make me laugh, cold tea, one bite of a sandwich for lunch, stealth walking/rolling over in bed.

    Then you move to the toddler years, eating stealth chocolate/cake so you don’t have to share, hiding in the toilet for peace, forgetting about the baby years…..and getting pregnant to do it all again!

  11. This made me laugh again second time round. My youngest just had his first birthday and I had forgotten about the noisy toys! I actually had a dream the other night that our house was being invaded (don’t watch homeland before bed time) and in a bid to hide we were frantically trying to turn all the toys off!!! Thanks for linking up. #FridayFrolics

  12. Gosh, I’ve got just under 8 weeks to go and remarkably, I’ve done half of these things already. We’re on our first one, but we’ve actually bitten the bullet and installed Sky TV ready for Nick Jr and all the other crazy stuff we will end up watching. We also watched Paw Patrol (as two grown adults) to try and get past the grating kiddy voices.

    As for the angry stray cat? It’s almost as bad as an over-affectionate pet cat who knows your pregnant and wants to protect you. This baby thing will be a doddle.

    1. Hahaha that is the best comment I’ve ever read! Watching Paw patrol to prepare yourself for the sheer hatred that is due to follow It’s Mickey Mouse in our house It will be like a break when the baby comes x

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