Some of you may or may not know that I was adopted when I was a little baby. I decided to share my story, one for other people who might be interested but also to look back in many years when I don’t have someone to tell me it anymore. So here is how my life began and my Mom & Dad’s adoption journey. *spoiler alert: They got a baby in the end… ta da!*
After several years of trying for a baby my parents suspected something wasn’t right. Long, long story short my Mom has endometriosis meaning she can’t have children. My parents always wanted to have kids and so they decided to go down the route of adoption.
They applied to the local adoption board and were called for an interview. The entire car journey to the interview my Mom (who worries about the neighbours cat) had gotten herself into an anxious state and pondered not going through with it at all. She had given herself an endless list of terrible outcomes, and wondered if she was ready for yet another option to have her own family potentially end.
When they arrived at the interview they were met with a social worker who far from approachable and comforting. She began, ”Why do you want a baby?” directed at my Mom who you can imagine was a mumbling mess. ”Well we…” my Dad tried to help out. ”I didn’t ask you, I asked Mary!” the lady snarled. She followed with several unnerving comments like ”we don’t care about you or what you want. We only care about the baby and the birth mother.” ”You have no rights in this situation”. My Mom says now looking back she can see that the woman was counselling them for the rough time they had ahead but that didn’t help her at the time. She left the interview with almost no hope of hearing from them again. She could barely string a sentence together, why would they trust that she could look after a baby?
However, the interview did go well and they were accepted onto the waiting list. Next step was to undergo a house inspection. My parent’s house is on top of a hill, meaning the driveway and back garden are at a rather steep slope. ”I expect that back garden to be more child friendly next time I visit” K (the social worker) had said. She pointed out all the alterations she wanted done to the house before her next visit in a few weeks time. The entire thing ended up costing £3,000, which was a lot of money back in the early 1990’s, and enough sand and cement to cover the entire front window. (but I’m priceless, right?). This was only the beginning on the list of requirements that had to be met before they would actually get a child. For example, one parent had to give up work and stay home full time – luckily the system is completely different now.
On K’s next visit she obviously approved all the alterations because she told them that there was a girl looking to have her baby adopted and she wanted to meet them…..