Over the last 10 months since Aidan’s arrival I have noticed that babies share similarities with many other things, one of which teenagers… Yes, you heard me babies are like teenagers and here’s how…
Every small inconvenience results in a reaction more intense than labour. If you take something from a baby they will scream and throw themselves on the floor in a wave of hysterical tears.
If you punish a teenager the will slam their door, say they hate you and drown in a wave of hysterical tears.
Let’s not even mention the unpredictable mood swings from both!
What is in today is out tomorrow. Today Baby thinks Mickey Mouse is the best thing since sliced bread, and demands you carry him and Mickey everywhere – Tomorrow Mickey is flung across the room while Baby throws you a ‘don’t be so stupid’ look while crawling towards some Mega Blocks.
Today Teenager is all about One Direction with a room covered in posters and her name changed to Mrs Harry Styles on all her school books – Tomorrow One Direction are stupid and all new school labels are demanded for Mrs Ed Sheeran.
You are always embarrassing them. Nudey pictures in the bath. Smelling their butt in public – parents main aim is to embarrass babies.
Just breathing makes you an embarrassing parent to a teenager.
They speak their own language. When a baby finally starts to talk they will come and tell you an entire story in what I can only describe as varying tones of grunting and then look at you as if you’re the stupid one when you don’t respond accurately.
Teenagers use grunts and similar sounds to communicate messages to each other usually resulting in an eruption of hyena type laughter – totes lol bae (Oh god I feel wrong even typing that)
New clothes are a weekly requirement. Babies grow faster than Kim Kardashians
arse bank account meaning almost each week you are guarenteed to need something new for babies wardrobe – if not you will probably buy something anyway because it’s so cute.
Similar to point 2, teenagers love black this week but next week you couldn’t possibly be seen in black because neon green is the new black. ”On Wednesdays we wear any colour other than the ones in our wardrobe!”
Also both babies and teenagers are available in nocturnal editions.
Apart from size there is no difference between a baby and a teenager – I know I don’t parent a teenager but I was one not so long ago and I can say now that I was a cow. Like my Mom used to say ”I love you, but teenagers are not nice people.” I swear I was awkward just to be awkward! Luckily babies are tiny and cute so it does make all the tantrums, mood swings and vast spending a little easier.