Choosing your children | My view on her decision | Adoption

Earlier today an article popped up on my Facebook feed from the Daily Mail about a woman who gave back her adopted child. After reading the post I was shocked at what I had just read. As you may have seen from my Adoption Series I am adopted, my Mom said she would be told regularly ”what a great thing she had done” by taking me in, at which point she corrected them, she hadn’t give me a chance she had begged and pleaded for the chance. My entire life growing up she would say that your mother gives birth to you but your Mom is the one who cares for you when you’re sick and tucks you in at night. Some women , like my Mom, are destined for motherhood, the good, the bad and the ugly of it all.

Don’t get me wrong I understand being a single parent is hard, let alone a single parent to a child needing special care but would you turn your back on your biological child if he or she had a disability? If you did, would you be allowed to adopt another in 6 months? Parenting isn’t a pic and mix sweet stand, you don’t pick and choose what does and doesn’t suit your lifestyle. I, and I am sure most mothers, would not change a single thing about my child including any future medical issues he may have. That doesn’t make me super woman, it just makes me a Mom.

‘Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and parents have no choice but to return their children, whether they are babies or teenagers,’ Claire said.

That little boy isn’t a dress that doesn’t suit or a new job that hasn’t worked out. He is a little boy who could only call Mummy. A little boy who didn’t chose to become ‘too stressful’. A little boy who needed someone. A little boy who was put back into the system through no fault of is own.

In my opinion, Claire has chosen to ”give back” her baby which unfortunately is her right but therefore I don’t think she should have the right to adopt another child, where would it end? After 2? 4?

This story really makes me wonder if the children’s best interests are always at heart in these cases. I strongly believe that when handled in the right way adoption is the best gift a child can get but for a child to constantly pass hands because ”it didn’t work out” blackens the entire thing.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Do you agree with the decision to let Claire adopt again?

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11 thoughts on “Choosing your children | My view on her decision | Adoption

  1. I agree with you. She shouldn’t be allowed to adopt again. My daughter has seizures, I am a single mum of 6 and I work. It is so hard sometimes but that was it is like being a parent. Hope the child is never told that she was returned like faulty goods.

    1. Wow that sounds like a lot of hard work but I’m sure you wouldn’t change your daughter for the world. I just hope that the child is getting they care they need now x

  2. Shocking. This is partly the reason I have issues with adoption. (I was adopted myself. And as clear as day remember the judges secretary asking my sister ansd I did we want to be adopted? I said no!) As a 7 year old who’d been in an orphanage I couldn’t tell you why I said no. Looking back I think it was the whole possession thing. We were constantly being told these people are your parents now. You are their children. Back then it seemed like I was like a puppy in a pet shop and should be happy I had been chosen by this couple to be their son. I always knew I had a mother out there (she may have left me, but maybe there was a good reason) My dad had no xhoice , we were told but to put us up for adoption. To adopt a child then send them back. She should never be allowed to adopt again. That poor child has been abandoned by his mother and now by his adoptive mother.

  3. I don’t know where to start with a comment about that story – my youngest is going to be disabled to a greater or lesser extent, something that we didn’t know before he was born, I cannot and wouldn’t want to ‘give him away’ because he is mine, it’s not as if you can shop for the perfect baby if the one you get is not quite what you had dreamt

    But to hand back one baby after teaching him to love you and then to be able to move on to adopt another child? I’m sure there is a lot we don’t know about the story but it feels incredibly callous to me to ‘hand back’ a baby that you have nurtured and to put them into an environment which isn’t a loving family set up especially when he has additional needs

  4. I genuinely do not have an answer to this. Until I read your post, I had no idea of the story and what had happened. It’s such a tricky one. I completely appreciate every bit of what you have said but then I put myself in that position and I couldn’t cope like she couldn’t cope – we couldn’t even cope if there was two of us parenting let alone if I was a single mum. The problem is, is that she can cope with a non disabled child. I can see that she loved him and accepted into her family and I can’t imagine how difficult it was for her to make this decision. I don’t know if she should be penalised on this first instance. yes it shouldn’t happen again but I think everyone deserves another chance. It’s so tough though – don’t judge me on my answer!! Thanks for linking up with #twinklytuesday

    1. Yes I totally get your point, perhaps the NHS or whoever should have given her the support she needed rather than the option to ”swap” him. Such a difficult situation but hopefully the little boy gets the care he needs 🙂 x

  5. I find it disgusting and she shouldn’t be able to adopt again.

    I understand that she has rights etc but so does the little boy.

    Adopting a child isn’t just welcoming them in to your home and caring for them it’s to do it in your heart.

    The boy had allowed her in too.

    I understand that she couldn’t cope and probably in the long run wouldn’t have benefited him. This I understand and believe it was the right choice. If it was a decision to be thought over in the first place then the boy deserved someone fully capable and committed. From that stance I can appreciate why people would see what she did as the right thing.

    However; being a parent, single, disabled, adopted and potentially having disabled children I see it differently.

    I was adopted and cared for because I was wanted and chosen. Not once when my disability showed did my parents regret or change their mind because for them I was their child. As a parent I struggle to see anyone that allows a child in through adoption to then ‘give them back’. I am unsure if this is to do with my views on parenting or because I was adopted. I love that I was adopted, chosen and loved against the worse case scenario and because of that ive wanted to be a good dad.

    As a single parent It’s tough. As a disabled person it’s tough. I know though that my children need and deserve the very best that I can offer like most parents do. My single status or disability doesn’t play a part. But then I know I have a lot to offer in life more so than some. However egotistical that sounds.

    Both my boys run the chance of having what I have and my eldest already shows signs that he has it. I have not once ever questioned if I wanted him or if I couldn’t do my best by him. I am his and he is mine. Exactly how i was raised. When my disability is worse and he has difficulties I will support, love and show him that there’s more to life to give. Like any parent would. If your child is sporty and you’re completely not and are everything geeky does that mean you’d stop allowing them to live a potentially full life? I doubt it. And for me I see it like this. I don’t see a difference between disabled or able bodied people. Everyone has something to give. I don’t see family as a nuclear stereotype. Family is love.

    In the cases that children are adopted they still get the option to grow and love etc

    I just wonder what would happen if this lady adopted again but tragedy happened and left her child disabled in later life. Would she change her mind then?

    Sorry for the long rant. When I saw the article I was quite shocked and enraged. Lol. Everyone is entitled to their opinions though.

    1. I totally agree with everything you’ve said. Beautifully put Martyn! I don’t think adoption should be a game of second chances it should be done because a family/couple/person longs for a family they cannot achieve by themselves – it should be of benefit to both parties in the best possible way. It should not become a raffle to create the ”perfect” family. Sadly, I think the adoption system is under such great strains that they see it as better to have one child adopted than none at all, even if it isn’t necessarily the best decision overall. Hopefully some new phase will come around gripping this woman, as parenthood once did, and she will decided she would rather sport a Prada handbag than a ‘perfect’ baby.

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